"Mentoring" Part 2
One beautiful feature of mentoring is making connections with others. If you love getting to know people (as I do), mentoring provides an opportunity for interesting relationships. Of course, some connections will be brief, yet others may bond two people for a lengthy, mutually enjoyable friendship. No matter what, relationships enrich life. The clever Swedish proverb holds true: “Shared joy is a double joy; shared sorrow is half a sorrow.”
As I mentored, I learned more effective ways to interact in such unique relationships. Everyone’s needs will vary. However, if you want to become a mentor, considering some generally applicable guidelines ahead of time can be helpful.
One aspect you will want to be aware of is your pace in relaying information. Assess what the person can absorb in one setting. Go slowly and be patient when you give out information. You may have to repeat yourself a couple times before your mentee can actually comprehend ideas new to them. Most of us felt distraught by all the information and treatment decisions coming at us at once. There is no need to explain multiple elements, far into the future. The exception is if what they are currently deciding has future effects. For instance, I did not have a mentor who could have told me how to possibly prevent certain side effects. I was informed chemotherapy could cause hair loss and neuropathy in hands and feet. No one told me there are methods to avert, or at least mitigate, some of these side effects by wearing a “cold cap” or “cold slippers.” A very rewarding part of mentoring is helping others learn useful information in the role of an advocate. The precious meaning of advocate, as derived from the Greek, is “called alongside.”
A mentor reaches out and supports others with compassion. Yet, as in any relationship, there is a need to establish boundaries. You will want to be upfront about your availability. Clarify how often you expect to meet and for what length of time. Share when you will be available to talk and the best method to contact you. Also decide what your role will include and exclude. Inform the patient if you are only able talk on the phone, if you are willing to meet for lunch, or if you want to do more, such as visit them during treatments. I learned to discuss expectations through experience. When I didn’t explain what my role would entail, I got requests for things far afield from what any mentor’s role would include. One lady called saying, “I was told you had resources, so I need you to find me a cheaper place to rent!” I had to explain my referring physician meant I had a list of free services for cancer patients such as support groups, classes, and wigs. Explaining your role as a mentor and clarifying your boundaries from the beginning will avoid misunderstandings later.
Another important consideration is to let the patient take the lead in sharing. Don’t probe or urge a patient to reveal information; they may consider some topics too personal. Let the mentee set the pace in sharing. Share only information they want to know, step by step. Be sure you are addressing their most immediate concerns first. Do they have questions about chemo, surgery, or taking care of kids? Let them drive the conversation. On the other hand, if they don’t seem to have any questions formulated, ask them what they are most concerned about to get a conversation started.
Closely related to this recommendation is another: listen carefully! Check yourself to see if you are practicing the qualities of an effective listener. For starters, you will not interrupt, even to share an important point. Repeating back the gist of what was said helps verify understanding. Avoid distractions, such as a cell phone, which can pull you away from your focus. Be aware of their body language (perhaps they are nervous) so you can react appropriately. Also, you can use body language, such as nodding understanding or leaning forward and maintaining eye-contact, to demonstrate you are actively listening. By your reaction, you can express a sincere interest in what they are saying. Additionally, by asking insightful questions you may encourage the mentee toward self-reflection. The ancient Biblical wisdom of James 1:19 is still true: “Be quick to listen and slow to speak.”
Continued in Part 3