"Marking Times"
Significant events tend to serve as markers on our calendar of life. A vocabulary of “before” and “after” evolves. One often hears such phrases as, “Before I married…” or “After my baby was born...” Both terms may refer to either joys or tragedies. For example, “Before my friend died…” or “After I graduated…” I recently realized I was marking my life events by their time-relationship to cancer. I caught myself saying, “Before cancer, I took a trip to Wisconsin.” Also, I was able to add another reference point. “After my cancer treatments were completed I took up a new hobby.” Marking life events is appropriate and even helpful for clarity.
Even now, after years of being cancer-free, I keep dividing my timeline by one (albeit long) event in my life. Understandably so, since cancer was so life-altering and such an all-consuming tragedy, that it has separated my history into B.C. and A.C. Meaning, of course: “Before Cancer” and “After Cancer.” I recall with fond nostalgia the events B.C. They were characterized by carefree, self-determined living. I did not have to think whether I was able to attend a baseball game or other event. I did not have to worry, due to a weakened immune system, whether I should go to a family gathering. Cancer and its treatments changed my life!
When I was diagnosed with triple-negative breast cancer, I was not free to make many decisions. I was caught up in a whirlwind of appointments, scans, chemo-infusions, surgery with a complicated recovery, and CyberKnife treatments. Things I wanted to do and normally could do, my health prohibited. I could barely walk due to the effects of chemotherapy, and I could not sit at my grandson’s ballgames in the summer heat. There were positive experiences during my long recovery, yet I could hardly enjoy them because I was so fatigued. One of my daughters was expecting twin girls, so my other daughter gave her a baby shower. I so much wanted to help. However, after I diced up some fruit for a few minutes, I had to go nap, leaving all the party prep to my daughter. Experiences like that made me long wistfully for the energy I had in the B.C. side of my life.
After a year of treatment and surgery, my scans were clear. I was pronounced in remission with the caution that the aggressive triple negative type of cancer usually returns. After two years of clear scans, I declared myself cancer-free, a term most physicians avoid so as not to give false hope. Still, I’m adopting the term and now refer to my life “A.C.” The phrase is not perfect since it is a reminder of cancer, but at least the word “after” is encouraging.
I won’t ever be able to forget cancer, nor should I, so I will be diligent about follow-up appointments in order to avoid a recurrence as well as find ways to protect my renewed health. This doesn’t mean believing every article on internet. It means using common sense and staying informed about new preventative measures. The basic guidelines for a path to wellness stay the same: get enough sleep; eat nutritious food (plant-based, whole food); exercise, and avoid stress as much as is possible. As a survivor, cancer has drawn a line of before and after in my personal history, but I won’t let it define who I am. I am now defined by how I spend my time and on whom.
If one is fortunate enough to live to say “after cancer,” then the question becomes what to do with the A.C. side of life. Every cancer patient I have met has a new appreciation for the value of time. I embrace each new day by trying to find meaningful activities and building relationships. Cancer does change a person. However, we can decide to let it change us for the better. Leo Christopher said: “There’s only one thing more precious than our time and that’s who we spend it on.” So I’m cherishing the time to help support other cancer patients and to invest in family and friends.