"Surrendering to Uncertainty"
Did you set your alarm last night with fear and trembling, worrying you would not wake up? Most people set their alarm with confidence they will be alive to hear it. Yet, living to see another day is not a certainty. Were you astonished when you arrived safely at work? If not, maybe you hadn’t considered the statistical probability of dying in a car accident. Your odds are 1 in 77, making it one of the highest-probability causes of death tracked by the CDC.
Strangely most people do not worry about the likelihood of death in sleep or car accidents yet may worry obsessively about other things they cannot control. I suspect that is because they operate under the delusion they can control certain aspects of their lives. They likely imagined they were controlling not only the steering wheel but the possibility of an accident. No doubt you were able to make plans for the weekend without thinking you were heroically brave. You could only do so if you felt you were in control of future plans. Yet, when it comes to certain events, you may get anxiety because you are mentally striving to control the future. News flash! You are in control of precious little!
Overall, worrying is futile and, if chronic, harmful to health by taxing the immune system and causing sleep problems. I asked a group of cancer patients how they controlled worrying. Sadly only a couple offered solutions, saying they meditated or did yoga. The rest said they could not stop worrying cancer would return or about other cancer-related issues.
What can be done to reduce fears and anxiety? I think one needs to surrender to uncertainty. If we live in harmony with reality we realize we are not in control of most of the things we fret over. When we face that fact and learn to live with uncertainty, our stress levels will decrease. Imagine the frustration you’d experience if you tried to fight against the law of gravity your entire life. Exhausting. Fruitless. Stress-inducing. The same truth which applies to natural laws applies to spiritual laws. For example, if you do not choose to act with kindness and love, you will become embittered and unhappy. The popular summation of this is “What goes around, comes around.” The same truth was worded differently a couple thousand years ago: “God cannot be mocked. A man reaps what he sows.” (Galatians 6:8) It’s a universal law. The only way to achieve serenity is to align with both natural and spiritual realities. And the intrinsic nature of existence is uncertainty.
Trying to control aspects of your life when you are not omnipotent is a set-up for anxiety. Think of yourself as a passenger on a plane, navigated by an expert pilot. The worst thing you could do would be to try to fly the plane when you’ve never seen the control panel of a jet before. You will have a peaceful ride if you focus on the comfort afforded you in your first class seat instead of thinking you are in charge. I saw a bumper sticker: “Jesus is my co-pilot.” That is not close to accurate. Jesus is the pilot and you probably shouldn’t even be in the cockpit! Once you accept the order of the Universe and its laws, you will be able to appreciate the enviable position you hold of not having the responsibility of controlling the future. (Proverbs 16:9—A man’s mind plans his way, but the Lord directs his steps.) Enjoy the flight!
While you are learning to surrender to uncertainty, which is a change of mind-set, there are smaller steps you can take to reduce anxiety. One proven solution, at least in the short term, is to exercise. Exercise dispels stress since it releases endorphins. Another positive step is to practice meditation to keep the focus on the present. Personally, I pray throughout the day, and I know it is calming. Chatting with the Creator of the Universe reframes the anxiety-producing misperception that I need to be so in control.
Keeping your hands as well as your mind busy also can reduce worrying. I didn’t have time to think about my next doctor appointment while I was totally absorbed in making dinner or sewing a baby quilt. Another suggestion I find helpful is to write your fears down. It may not benefit everyone, but when I saw those “big” worries were able to fit on a “small” college-ruled line, they weren’t so intimidating. They were clear and brief, so they lost their power over me. Many counselors claim worrying is a mental habit which really can be broken. One suggestion I read was to set aside a certain time you allow for worrying, say for 20 minutes. I’m skeptical of that advice because if worriers were so mentally disciplined, they probably wouldn’t be stressing in the first place. Maybe it will work for you, though.
To illustrate how futile worrying is, let me share a moment. I am married to a habitual worrier. He knows I’m not. So once when my husband was sharing a worst case scenario starting with “what if,” I chimed in as if I was worried also. I breathlessly said, “Wait! We have even a bigger concern!” My husband leaned in, all ears to finally have a partner-in-worrying. I said, “I don’t know if Venus and Uranus are still rotating clockwise.” (All the other planets rotate counter-clockwise.) Though he sighed resignedly, he also had to laugh. He caught my meaning that we are not in control of the planets’ rotations, yet we don’t burden ourselves with those significant matters.
Since you cannot control the radiologist’s report, the weather, the decisions of your relatives, or Venus rotating in retrograde, it makes sense to surrender to the uncertainty of existence. Corrie ten Boom wisely said: “Worry does not empty tomorrow of its sorrow. It empties today of its strength.”
Reflection:
What exercise could you do? Many people find Yoga calming.
What activity—however small—could you do to take your mind off “what ifs”?
Have you tried imaging a positive “what if”? What if I have a good day tomorrow?