"Winning Vocabulary"

Much of the vocabulary surrounding cancer does not reflect reality with its pom-pom waving style of “be-positive” enthusiasm. The current cancer vocabulary creates divisions. People are put into classifications of winners or losers. These distinctions are not openly expressed. However, if some people “win” by surviving, then by definition, others “lose” by dying.

We cancer patients are cheered on with terms more common to football games or war zones. I’m not questioning the motives for this hype, except for the sellers of T-Shirts. Most people are likely hoping to encourage. Right motive; wrong wording. Do the promoters of combat phrases realize how their words can negatively impact cancer patients who are not doing well or who are dying?

Our cultural conversation about cancer is fixated on happy survivors. I haven’t seen a dying patient interviewed on a morning show. I have seen juice-gurus with beaming smiles telling their cancer success stories. We gravitate toward “champions.” There is silence about any “losers.” And who would the losers be? According to current expressions, they are the dying.

As I sat, exhausted from chemotherapy in the cancer center’s waiting room, a lady jauntily walked in. She wore a T-shirt emblazoned with the words: “Cancer, You messed with the wrong bitch!” What message does it send to others with cancer? Are we to conclude she’s the special one; rarer than one-in-a-million? Is she unlike the other ten million people world-wide who died of cancer last year? Are we to surmise we are not “bad-ass” enough if we are not defeating cancer? I wanted to tell her (politely of course) that her shirt would be accurate if it read, “Cancer killed over half a million in the US this year and many of those were strong, beautiful women.”

Trending terms even attempt to define our identity. We are told we are warriors, fighters, and heroes. We can appreciate the intent to honor us, but society needs a reality check. I cringed when I saw the latest inspirational cancer quote on social media: “Being a victim or a survivor is a mindset.” No. That discredits the wonderful and positive women who are or will soon be in their graves due to this hideous disease called cancer. Didn’t they have a positive attitude? Didn’t they want to win? Of course. Being told to “battle” cancer and similar phrases reflects the flawed reasoning that getting sicker or developing metastasis is somehow partly the patient’s fault.

The winning/losing terminology does a disservice to stressed and struggling cancer patients. If some people can wear a shirt reading: “Cancer. Been There. Done That,” then others with metastatic cancer for whom treatments may never end, feel even more marginalized. A popular phrase is, “I beat cancer. What is your superpower?” A patient can become discouraged thinking, “If only I were stronger, I also could beat cancer.” All of this is unhelpful at best and tauntingly unkind at worst.

Cancer kills people. That fact won’t be on a T-Shirt. Maybe shirt companies would want to look for increased sales at the considerably larger market of cancer patients who will not recover. Of course, they’d have to change the phrases. Perhaps a saying like: “Bad Things Happen to Good People” would sell. Cancer does not discriminate between those who natures are cheerful or pessimistic. Cancer is a bunch of mutant, malignant cells. Though being hopeful may bring comfort, one’s attitude does not cure a disease. It is not in a patient’s best interest to use language promoting faulty thinking which turns cancer into a tangible enemy, able to be conquered. I longed with all my heart to find a way to physically fight this invisible foe instead of sitting passively while poison was pumped into my veins.

Belittling cancer does sell shirts, so the onslaught continues with slogans such as: “I kicked cancer’s ass;” “Losing is not an Option;” and “Cancer does not mean game over. It means game on!” The latter seems the most egregious, turning cancer into a sport or contest, in which we are led to believe we can play a part in determining the outcome.

Phrases lashing out at cancer appear delusional to me. Do such phrases offer a patient a sense of power? If so, it would be momentarily. Then reality enters and an already-tragic situation is exacerbated when the patient faces disappointment. I think awareness is needed that praising the warrior traits in some patients is, by default, pointing a guilty finger at others who are dying.

Reflection

1. How does the vocabulary surrounding cancer affect you?

2. Are you able to discuss death or do you avoid the topic?