"Being Positive"
Throughout the rigorous course of my cancer treatments, I wish I had received a dollar for every well-intentioned person who told me to just “be positive.” Minus the dollars, I instead had an impulse to rip out my hair, except I had none. I lost all my hair and some of my patience for platitudes during chemotherapy. Is it really helpful instructing someone to “be positive” in the midst of pain or illness? It sounded like an imperative sentence to me—and I did not need another order or another reason to feel guilty. I already imagined cancer was somehow my fault. Then, I was even made to feel like I’m letting down complete strangers simply by going about in a debilitated state without a cheery smile—that was just too much. Exactly what did people mean by telling me to “stay positive”?
People were likely alluding to the truth of a mind-body connection which is essential to good health. According to medical research, taking care of our thoughts and emotions is important to aid in our own healing. It’s not that I objected to people recognizing that positive feelings may be beneficial. I objected to the manner of their delivery—like a sharp directive! Helping someone have a more optimistic mindset is not accomplished by pitching passing advice in the form of a quick bromide: “Just stay positive!” These store clerks, nodding acquaintances, and even one Uber driver masquerading as counselors did not know that I was trying to remain positive while dealing with pain, sickness, and fatigue.
More supportive would have been for people to recommend an uplifting book or movie or recount a funny incident that happened to them. Pointing out things they were grateful for that we had in common such as good weather or a new restaurant in town also could have redirected my focus. Best of all, people could actually do something for the person they hope would look on the bright side. Some of my friends sent cards, called me with uplifting news, brought meals, or sent me texts with encouraging verses. By not telling me to be positive, but influencing me toward positivity through their actions was far better than any cliché.
On my own, I did try to find and dwell on uplifting things which occurred in my day. At one point, I was so weak from chemotherapy even walking around the house was difficult. Still, I could appreciate looking out the window and watching hummingbirds fluttering at their feeder. Also, I enjoyed my sweet dog, Daisy, curled up snugly on my lap as I lounged in the recliner. She was warm, and her soft, white fur felt soothing to pet. Then I would attempt to keep my thoughts from running wild with worries about the future and the frequent “what ifs” assailing my mind. In other words, I practiced mindfulness. Mindfulness is a new word to describe an ancient practice of present-time awareness. Buddha advocated it: “The secret of health for both mind and body is not to mourn for the past, worry about the future, or anticipate troubles, but to live in the present moment wisely and earnestly.”
The science journalist, Jo Marchant, in her book, Cure, claims there is research to suggest our mental perceptions inform and guide our immune system to perform better. Jo Marchant cites several examples from war veterans to prove that the mind has amazing power over the immune system. This works both ways—for example, stress has a negative effective. Dr. Mercola in an article “The Science of Healing Thoughts” writes: “Inflammation is partly regulated by the hormone cortisol. The immune system's ability to regulate inflammation predicts who will develop a cold, but more importantly it provides an explanation of how stress can promote disease. When under stress, cells of the immune system are unable to respond to hormonal control, and consequently, produce levels of inflammation that promote disease.”*
Scientific studies confirm the validity of what the Bible asserted long ago: “As he thinks in his heart, so is he.”(Proverbs 23:7) Dr. Deepak Chopra explains how “thinking” is actually medicine, citing the placebo effect as proof. Studies have shown when patients are given a sugar pill but are told it is a prescription drug, an average of 30% of subjects experienced a positive response.* Their thoughts caused their healing. A team of researchers at UCLA scientifically demonstrated that people with a deep sense of well-being had lower levels of inflammatory gene expression and stronger antiviral and antibody responses. Therefore, happiness can even alter your genes!
My advice, though, is not to stress about being positive, which then becomes a negative! Instead of having the vague objective of being positive, have specific and reachable goals in mind. For example, try smiling several times a day because it is a proven mood enhancer. You could make a game out of seeking good things in your day. A friend going through chemotherapy did this and called me laughing to recount that a “good” thing she noted was that she looked very ill, pale, and had a bald head. I asked, “What can possibly be good about that?” She replied her plumber didn’t charge for the repairs to her sink. When he left, she saw he had written on the bill: “No charge. Hope you feel better soon!” Her voice was lilting as she exclaimed: “I did already feel better seeing that cancelled bill!” Thankfully, he did not talk about being positive; he helped her to become positive.
If you make your targets easy to reach, then your success will lead to further positive emotions. If you still tend to worry, Mark Twain left us with something to think about embedded in his humor: “I am an old man and have known a great many troubles, but most of them never happened.”
Reflection:
1. Try making a list of positive things that happen even in a day filled with problems.
2. How could you help someone else experience positivity without talking about it?
*https://articles.mercola.com/sites/articles/archive/2016/02/04/healing-thoughts.aspx
*https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/owning-pink/201112/can-positive-thinking-help-you-heal