"Joining a Support Group"

Reluctantly, I walked into my first support group session, feeling anxious. I was hesitant to admit I needed support. However, the difficulty for me to reach out ended before I even opened the door. Another lady, bald like me, was walking toward the same door. She warmly introduced herself as Maria. She nervously admitted: “This is my first time attending. Do you know anything about this group?”

“I’m clueless,” I replied. “I’ve never been to any type of support group.” We sat by each other as the “newbies” and were immediately welcomed via a brief introduction around the table. The facilitator, an energetic middle-aged woman, put everyone at ease, explaining there was no pressure to share, yet we were free to ask about anything. If the conversation lagged, the facilitator would ask a general question to begin a new discussion. We actually enjoyed ourselves, learning from each other and forming many almost-instant bonds with those going through much of the same types of treatments. It was exactly the type of personal connection I needed for support, but had not known before.  

Even though technology provides more ways to communicate, there is less real connectedness. Face-to-face interactions are becoming increasingly rare. This is a drawback for anyone, but especially so for a cancer patient. Someone going through cancer treatments can greatly benefit from the wisdom and encouragement of others. Thus, the in-person support group model is ideal. Attending a group has numerous advantages, but there’s one special element which even a caring family or group of friends cannot provide. You are meeting people who understand and can relate to what you are enduring. Precious friendships can form through shared experiences and empathetic concern.

Often the side effects of chemo and/or surgery leave emotional and mental scars in addition to lowering self-esteem. By sharing with others in some of the same predicaments, there is an atmosphere of acceptance and feeling of inclusion.  A support group offers a sense of community and belonging that may be missing during long treatment periods. In addition, when you find others in similar situations, you won’t feel isolated. Because those in a support group share how they took control of situations such as hair loss or getting a second opinion, attending a support group has the advantage of making one feel less like a victim.

Beside the emotional advantages, there’s a practical side to support groups. Other cancer patients who have “been there” can offer helpful advice. Survivors in the group may be able to make recommendations about how they navigated an over-due bill, found prostheses, located a helpful website, managed a side effect, and so much more. In my case, a lady informed me about the services available in a local lymphedema clinic. I did not even know such a clinic existed to meet my needs.

Though everyone’s cancer experiences are unique, most have some similar features, so sharing becomes instructional. We learn from other’s insights and experiences. Not only that, but many support groups feature visiting speakers such as nutritionists, exercise experts, nurses, or others. So, support groups are often very educational as well. 

One of my favorite aspects of a support group is being encouraged to ask questions. Books and internet have information but sometimes it is not personally applicable. In a relaxed, informal setting, I could raise questions more easily than in a rushed medical office. I appreciated getting more than one answer. No matter how informative a physician is, that is only one viewpoint. The ladies’ replies spoke to my deeper reasons for asking. They gave me insights, not merely facts. Then, instead of looking at a situation from one angle, I’d often get two or three different perspectives. I especially appreciated that their answer was never, “It’s protocol.” I’ve heard that reply from medical personnel which I felt minimized my individuality. I did not want to be a “case” with a textbook answer.

Sharing one’s own story and listening to the stories of others is empowering and uplifting. When you see others who have not only survived cancer, but are thriving, you may begin to think, “I can make it through this too!” Also, being able to express yourself is a healthy release for suppressed emotions, whether by venting or voicing sorrow and anger. Having a safe environment in which to share may even boost healing. Fears can be overcome by learning about others’ effective coping strategies. The successes of others can serve as signposts for hope. You may even be one of the survivors who enriches their life by, in turn, giving back to a support group in a position of leadership.

After my first support group meeting was officially over, I lingered, as did everyone else, to continue chatting. When I did get up to go, Maria also was leaving. She linked arms with me and smiled. We walked out together as more than friends; we were sisters-in-suffering.

Reflection:

1. Is there some concern holding you back from attending a support group? (Realize that if the first one you go to is not a good fit, you can try others.)

2. Do you find it easy or difficult to share personal experiences with others?

3. Do you think sharing your experiences and feelings about cancer could be therapeutic to you and helpful to others?