"Growing, Post-Traumatic"
The phrase “post-traumatic growth” was introduced by Diane Callahan, speaker at a recent conference on cancer I attended. As a former English teacher, I enjoy learning new phrases. These words, however, were more than an educational vocabulary exercise. The phrase helped me to address my post-cancer goals. Callahan* explained that while PTSD (post-traumatic stress disorder) is quite common among cancer patients, we can choose to turn our traumatic experiences with cancer into an opportunity for real and beneficial growth.
Callahan explained that after surviving cancer three times, she “needed to pivot, not crumple.” She discovered that she was able to glean value from her experiences by simply helping others. She encouraged her audience to find a way to make a difference so they not only had a life, but were really living a life! That resonated with me. Of course, people will vastly differ in how they craft their life as a survivor, but there are commonalities to achieving post-traumatic growth.
An important key to personal growth is to set realistic expectations. If you know that growth takes time, you will be patient with the process. Expect that your health will improve gradually, not immediately. I thought about how easily it is to set ourselves up for failure when I recently saw a promotion for the Susan G. Komen three-day, 60 mile walk in California. Being a cancer patient, myself, albeit now in remission, I sure couldn’t walk 60 miles! To be resilient does not mean “bounce back.” There will be no “bouncing” after a cancer diagnosis. There may be shuffling back toward normal or climbing slowly back up out of a pit. To expect a quick and complete return to life as you had previously known it is frankly unrealistic. In the long-run, however, you may shape a life which is even better than the one you previously had! Now that is what is meant by post-traumatic growth.
A common thread among people who demonstrate resilience is becoming physically active. Even if you are only able to do a little exercise in a day, it will contribute to improving both your mind and body. Taking care of yourself means listening to your body, not just by exercise, but also with healthy food and ample sleep. Cancer causes many extra demands on your body, so you need to be concerned foremost with your health before trying to give back to the community. When you do find the strength and time to reach out to others, limit your involvement at first. Some may find joy in making items to donate to patients. Others will find purpose in appreciating others and helping away from the medical realm. Whatever you decide, instead of tackling new or major responsibilities all at once, find ways to break up projects into smaller segments.
To fully experience post-traumatic growth, don’t allow your cancer diagnosis to define you. During active treatment, cancer was all I could think about. Even my thought-life felt stagnant and I despaired. I knew deep within I was more than a patient. Yet, I was letting cancer consume every facet of my life. I had to evict cancer from my mind and make a conscious effort to think about other things and pursue my interests. Cancer can cause us to feel that everything is beyond our control, but we can draw strength from one thing we do have power over. We can decide what lessons we will take away from the negative experiences we’ve gone through. For me, one of the lessons I took away was being able to face my own mortality. I can now easily talk about death as an inevitable part of the cycle of life. A profound lesson that having cancer taught me was how much I value relationships and how much I love the people in my life. I don’t believe I could be as grateful for each new day as I am now without having thought I might not have the chance to see or cherish many more days. Once I had taken time to reflect, I understood my available strengths. For me, that meant I could still write, so I picked up a pen and began sharing. Rikki Rogers has an excellent definition for strength. “Strength doesn’t come from what you can do. It comes from overcoming the things you once thought you couldn’t.”
Resilience in spirit is possible. This truth is expressed in 2Corinthians 1:3-4 “Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God.” Having been through terrible experiences, you can empathize with others and be very supportive of people who are in the midst of a struggle. You can be a living, breathing example that in spite of ordeals, aside from the crushing nights and relentless pain, you can make choices. You can then offer an olive branch, rescued from the storm you withstood, to those who now feel hopeless. By helping others, meaning is added to your suffering. If you use your trauma as a springboard to serving, you will begin post-traumatic growth.
*Dianne Callahan is a speaker and author. Her book, Lighthearted Life, instructs others how to capture daily joy even after a cancer diagnosis. She should know. She survived three different types of cancer, but went on to be an inspirational speaker.
Reflection:
1. How could you turn your suffering into a way to support others?
2. Do you let your cancer rob you of daily happiness? How could you work on changing?