"Taking Care" (Part 3)

Taking care of another person is a multi-faceted position. A caregiver may be focused primarily on physical needs, but many other aspects are also essential. If the patient realizes ahead of time what the caregivers may be expected to handle, it will help in scheduling people to fulfill those needs. For the caregiver, understanding expectations will benefit them in coping or enlisting others to assist. In part one of “Taking Care” I referred to their various roles as “wearing different hats.”

Medical Assistant is a “hat” of many colors. If any task does not fit neatly into another category, it fits here. I use “medical assistant” as an umbrella term for the array of duties that do not entail addressing physical medical needs. An assistant would be concerned with planning ahead for arrangements, such as a ride home from the hospital. If they decide to be the one to offer the ride, they also assume the role of “chauffeur.” An assistant can expect to act as “procurer” of medical supplies or other needs. In my situation, I found out after my hospital discharge that I would need special gauze pads, paper tape, and other items. My husband made numerous trips to a medical supply store and got what I needed.  In many other situations, an errand-runner is needed; perhaps prescriptions will need to be picked up from the pharmacy when the patient is not well enough to go.

A Nutritionist has a vital duty in a hospital setting as does the caregiver assuming that position for the recently-discharged patient.  The main concern is nutritional and healthy food choices presented in an appetizing manner. Certainly this may prove a challenge if the patient has medical problems affecting appetite. If the caregiver can get the person to eat just a little and more frequently, it will help. My problem was all sugar tasted like fish. I could not tolerate sugar throughout chemo and for some time afterward. One time my daughter bought organic fruit popsicles to sooth my throat. I took one lick and exclaimed, “There’s a trout in here!” It had a very distinct fish taste to me! Becky tested it and said it was fine. Nevertheless, I could not eat it. I was especially disappointed when one of my sons brought me little gourmet tarts from the finest bakery in Las Vegas. Previously, I would have been delighted, but I had to hand them back.  At least my granddaughter (who was with for the visit) looked pretty happy to help herself to them! If the patient has a difficult time eating, they might find healthy smoothies a palatable option.

A Housekeeper is found in every hospital. However, when one’s house is the patient’s setting, special attention needs to be paid to having a hygienic environment.  If a spouse or relative is not doing the job of housekeeping, then the caregiver may be expected to change linens, do laundry, and otherwise keep the house as germ-free as possible. Of course, one can hire a house-cleaner, or if you are in a major city, there usually are a couple free cleaning services for cancer patients available.  One non-profit service is called “Cleaning for a Reason.”

Exercise Coach was not a “hat” I had expected from a caregiver. Yet, I saw both my daughter and my husband take on that role. If exercise coach isn’t the most accurate descriptor, they at least earned the title of “cheerleader.” A balanced approach is necessary if the caregiver is to encourage the patient to begin and continue exercising. Obviously, there are physical limitations after surgery, yet movement helps the healing process. Without demanding too much, the caregiver needs to urge the patient to walk or do whatever other exercise they can. Two days after my surgery, I was able to walk three blocks. Becky would take my arm in case I needed support and go with me. Also, she set a timer for my arm exercises (to increase range of motion) and then checked if I had done them. Being a relative of the patient may make the coaching role more difficult if the patient is resistant to suggestions. However, I strongly desired to begin moving since I saw exercising as a way to get my life back!

Counselor may be the most challenging position for anyone. If actual counselling is needed, of course, call a professional. What I mean by “counselor” is the caregiver may find themselves having to comfort, advise, and emotionally support the patient. Someone post-surgery may be going through a lot of different emotions. One common feeling is frustration. I wanted to do more. I love helping others. So it was difficult for me to accept things being done for me. For example, when I was exhausted (mostly from the effects of chemotherapy), Becky held a baby shower at her house for my other daughter. I was so eager to help. I offered to cut up the vegetables. I saw Becky hesitate and then agree. I knew she was thinking I couldn’t do much. The self-esteem of the patient should be considered, though. I worked on the veggie tray only briefly. Then I became so tired, I had to lie down. Still, Becky hadn’t taken away my chance to help a little when I so much wanted to contribute. Try to allow the patient to have a sense of control over some things. Let them be included in decisions and support their decisions about their own health.  Communication is essential in order to become aware of their feelings and needs.      

Friend is a title that may have existed before care-giving, but now needs special attention to sustain. Any time roles in a friendship are altered, some adjustments are likely to occur. So whether it is going to appointments with your friend (and now patient) or whether it is listening as they express their concerns, you will want to strive to be the friend you would want to have. Basically, you will need to wear the hat of whomever the patient needs you to be for a time—adviser, comforter, nurse, encourager, or uplifting friend.    

Don’t let this seemingly daunting list dissuade you from offering help.  The tasks look more involved when they are divided into categories. Plus, one can enlist the help of others to share the duties of care-giving. Further, the rewards of helping a loved-one back toward health are immeasurable!